and all at once, it made sense again

it's come to my attention, err more like realization, that being true to yourself is the greatest thing that you could ever do. sound cliche'? yes. sound cheesy? even more so. however, over the past month or so i've learned that the greatest conflict that could ever exist within oneself is to stray away from what is real and true and dive into an alternate reality where you don't really belong:

false:
I'm 21! let's get drunk! let's party! let's go out! get drunk! get drunk! get DRUNK! girl bonding, YEAH! BARS!

true:
i am indeed 21. i do, indeed, drink. however, i never was, and never will be the girl who goes to college bars 2+ times a week and gets smashed. i tried it, not for me. in addition, i'm not really the type of girl who enjoys girlie things...no i'm not a lesbian. no, i'm not a tomboy. i do like make-up and clothes, but what's "in" or "out" or trendy, never really has interested me. sorry if i'm not wearing the latest trends and my stuffed animal is a little square monster with scary teeth. i like him. i also like my best friend.

i've always felt a little more comfortable hanging out and talking to guys OR hanging out and talking to girls who ALSO are a little more comfortable hanging out and talking to guys. i can't explain it. its just...more simple.



for the first time i really think i can see my future forming. its a strange, strange feeling. everything is coming together and forming the bigger picture. maybe it was always there but i was just too scared to see it. either way, i like what i see. the next few months will create a more concrete picture of what the next 4 years will look like.

until then, the anxiety and stress surrounding school, work, GRE, graduate school, and basically life in general, will most likely continue to consume me.

thank god for three day weekends.