livin' in the sprawl

sometimes i wonder if the world's so small

that we can never get away from the sprawl

livin' in the sprawl 

dead shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains

and there's no end in sight

i need the darkness, someone please cut the lights

-sprawl II, arcade fire 

it seems appropriate to blog about this song because over the past few months, i've listened to it at least once a day. if you haven't heard it, then you should discontinue reading this blog and immediately find it on youtube. i would provide the link,  but let's get real, you're capable.

it's been so long since i've casually written, much less blogged, that almost forgot that i like typing in all lowercase. it's just much more visually pleasing. 

since i last blogged (in december? eek!) so much has changed. i can't believe it's been ten full months since my last entry. that is completely unacceptable. 

i've learned to appreciate my roots.

i've learned to readily accept the differences in people.

i've learned to not make things harder than they have to be. 

i've learned that i want to live in a temperate climate.

i've learned to be patient. 

i've learned to recognize and appreciate contentedness. 

i've learned what it means to miss someone.

contentedness in the daily mundane is quite possibly one of the hardest things to achieve. we all know that happiness is  fleeting, but contentedness, in it's truest form, is static.  if you reach a point in your life where you feel content with something, hold onto it. don't get me wrong- happiness is important, but without the underlying support of contentedness, happiness just don't seem to mean much. 

after spending the better part of the summer at home in kentucky, when i returned to tucson i wasn't very content. i actually very, very far from it. i felt like my life was in kentucky, because that's where the important people in my life are, but my future was in tucson. i don't mean that i'm going to stay in tucson for the rest of my life, but merely that my future relies on me staying here for the next 1.5 years. i felt stuck in a sprawling mess of a city that was entirely too hot with too much disparity.  

i finally realized that whether i like it or not, i'm stuck here. 

i have no choice. 

i'm here to learn. 

i'm here so i can spend the rest of my life doing what i'm passionate about. 

it took a couple of months for this to fully sink in. i can't waste the next 1.5 years of my life wishing i were elsewhere. i need to soak it up, regardless of how miserable school can be sometimes. now, i know this sounds like a homesick rant about how i can't wait to graduate and return to the bluegrass. that's not the case at all. i probably won't immediately move back to lexington for an externship. i just know that tucson isn't the perfect fit for me, and that's perfectly alright. the university of arizona is a wonderful fit, and that's ultimately why i'm here. 

it's all about the people in your journey.

make an effort to cut the lights and clear your mind.