"He survived to tell the tale"-- that's what people say, don't they?

So, I have this yearning for fall. Fall is my most favorite season. Unfortunately for me,fall doesn't hit Tucson until November or later. For now, things just don't feel right. It's October but it's still 95 degrees most days. 

But, this isn't what I want to say in this blog. This isn't the topic. This isn't really even anything that's on my mind at all. Just some word vomit about some surface level observations. Word Vomit. I keep using this phrase in conversation lately. 

This leads us to the obvious question: 

"What is on my mind?"

Too much. 

I'm going to spare you the complaining. Just know that there is way too much going on this semester. For the first time I'm having a hard time separating school from my personal life, school from my personal time, and most importantly, school from my PERSONAL emotions. It's all intertwined and my mind is ultimately consumed 99% of the time with audiology. At this point, I don't really have a choice. It's just something I'm going to have to deal with temporarily. 

Maybe it's just that I finally recognize that this is it. This is life.

I once heard that most people are unhappy because they view the present as worse than it is, the past as better than it was, and the future as more unresolved than it will be. I'm not saying I'm particularly unhappy, I just don't have a lot of time to do the things I love. I need a creative explosion every now and then. My life right now is just not lending itself to such things. I suppose what I once heard is true. Especially now. 

Presently, I feel like I'm just existing each day, doing the things I have to do, just to get to the next day, repeat. repeat. repeat. Then suddenly, 6 weeks are gone. 

As for the past, I have very fond memories of my past. However, I don't tend to think of them as better than they were. I am actually pretty realistic about how things were. I remember the good and the bad. 

As for the future, I definitely am guilty of thinking of it as being more unresolved than it will be. The future is so important and something I think about all the time. The future is where I will spend the rest of my life. Right now, nothing seems solidified. Nothing belongs to me. I don't know anything for sure and that really bothers me. I like to prepare for the future and right now, I can't do that. 

Oh well. If anything, at least at the end of the day I'm being honest with myself. The nostalgia of the past, the terrible feelings of the present, and my favorite stressor-- the future. The future will come, and it will go, the label I give it will change but what I actually experience will remain the same.  

Strange.